conversation
Have normal, get-to-know-you conversations. Talking incessantly about how you feel and how great things are going between the two of you is nothing short of obnoxious. It projects a certain amount of immaturity that repels the good dates and attracts the wrong ones.
Pressure
Pressuring your date to do anything is a big no-no. Once again, it is a sign of relationship immaturity as well as personal immaturity. You could beg your date to go to church with your family on Sunday or argue good reasons to stay the night with you — the nature of your pressuring doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are selfishly disrespecting your date’s boundaries. If a relationship starts off with one person pressing on the other’s limits or preferences, there are bound to be loads of regret by the end of it.
Taking Hints
Pay attention to the clues your date is giving you. They may be inviting more intimacy, they may be trying to show you where their boundaries are, or they may be trying to subtly tell you that you’ve got dragon breath. Either way, you want to know, so pay attention. If you aren’t sure, ask; it is a far better option than making the wrong assumption.
Texts and Phone Calls
Refrain from over-calling/texting to keep things light and friendly. Remember the guidelines for conversation even when texting. The “I miss you” text every day when you only just met is really annoying. Not until you are an “official” couple is it appropriate to text or call to talk about your emotions or anything sexual. Don’t call or text to tell them how nice their butt looked the night before. Save that sort of flattery for when you are in the moment, and even then, use it sparingly because it can easily be construed as trashy and rude. What you should focus on is getting to know the other person and letting them get to know you. Think of it this way… After every message or every phone conversation, the other person is going to mull over it in their mind and might even talk about it with a friend. They will dismantle every word you said and search for more meaning behind the words.
Honesty
Everybody wants to put their best foot forward in a new dating relationship, but don’t pretend to be someone you are not. In turn, watch for warning signs that your date isn’t all they seem to be. Dishonesty, especially misrepresenting themselves, is a big red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. When you do get a clue that there are major differences in areas like spirituality, family, social ethics, or politics, be honest with yourself about the possibility of being truly happy with them. You are looking for a match and so are they.
Gut Instincts
Listen to your gut. If you hear the little alarms going off inside of you, pay attention to them. It is easy to brush your feelings to the side in an effort to fall in love, but when you ignore your instincts over and over again, it gets more difficult to recognize when they are trying to alert you. Most of the time, later on in a relationship or a while after a relationship, one can look back and see the exact time during the first few weeks (many times in the first couple of days) that they had a gut feeling about their date and it turned out to be right.
Judgment
Don’t be too quick to judge. Sometimes it is wise to look at yourself just as critically during a new relationship. For instance, if you are often turned off by how little men spend on you when they take you out, perhaps it is your value system that needs a check-up rather than theirs.
Maintaining Your Self
Don’t drop everything else in your life. It is common, especially for women, to forget about themselves and take on the identity of their partners. That is the consequence of bad past relationships and lack of positive relationship role models. You can prevent losing yourself in a new relationship by keeping the things that matter to you a part of your daily life. Things like journaling, reading, exercising, and spending time with friends and family, all the things that help to keep you a healthy, balanced person, should remain high on your priority list. Make a point to enjoy the same things you normally do, even in the first weeks of a new romance.
Lowering the Bar
Keep your standards high. Don’t talk yourself into being okay with something that you aren’t. Settling is a sure way to get yourself into a miserable relationship. Do you remember the last time you said to yourself, “I should have known when they… ?” If you aren’t sure what your standard is, make a list of all the things you want in a partner. If your date doesn’t fit the bill, don’t waist your precious time.
Planning and Paying
It is a great idea to trade off date planning and date funding. Not to say that it should be a regulated arrangement of every other date or anything, but stepping away from the traditional system of men planning and paying for all dates can be a lot of fun and make it easier to get to know each other. Taking control of the rendezvous enables you to surprise them, impress them, and romance them. In addition, you can learn a lot about them by switching roles.
Alcohol Consumption
The general rule is to stay relatively sober for at least the first month of dating someone. Getting sloshy drunk anytime in those first few weeks is likely to be your kiss of death. They will undoubtedly see you at your worst and redeeming yourself from that is not an easy feat.
Meeting Friends, Family, and the Ex Ease your new love interest into your social circles. Start off by introducing them to a few select friends, particularly those who help you “screen” prospective mates. An introduction to family members, especially parents, and ex’s, even if they are still a part of your life, shouldn’t happen until you are at least approaching a month of dating. Why? Besides being a little weird and moving too fast, you want to wait because it takes a while to establish comfort levels in social situations. This will give you time to learn to recognize each other’s cues and know enough about each other that an “inner circle” situation isn’t uncomfortable.
Keeping Your Distance
Don’t overwhelm them with attention. Don’t invite yourself over more than once a week, and don’t smother them with physical affection when you are together. You may feel the urge to reach out and touch their sweet face over and over again, but refrain because it is uncomfortable. Men and women often make the mistake of jumping into “couple” behaviors like smooching, holding hands, using terms of endearment, and touching them in sexual ways too soon and scaring off their dates. I will again reiterate that getting to know someone for who they are as an individual should be the focus of a new relationship. Too often, people get caught up in the romance before realizing how little they actually know about their partner.
Skeletons
Everybody has their dirty little secrets, and it wouldn’t be good for you to go telling them to every person you date, but you might want to drop a hint here and there to test the waters. In those first couple of weeks, be as honest as you would like them to be with you. For some couples, after a few dates and things are going well, it could help to discuss the fact that you both have pasts and that you should share them later on down the road. Just make sure that when that one month mark (or comparable milestone) comes around, you let them know some of the details of the skeletons you alluded to. Otherwise, they become secrets that will surely hinder your relationship.
Are you being lied to?
First thing’s first . . .listen to your instincts!
Knowing whether you are being lied to or not, does not require mind reading or psychic power. Understanding the difference between the truth and a lie can all be determined by a person�s behavior, and if you pay attention to these behaviors, you will be able to have a better idea of whether you are being lied to or not. The most important thing you should always remember to do however is to trust your instincts. If you feel you are not getting the entire truth from your partner for some reason, then listen to your instincts. Most people are in good touch with their instincts, but rather not listen to that inner voice because they refuse to believe that their partnersigns of lying would deceive them in any way. Staying in touch with your instincts will help guide you in the right direction.
Though instincts are a great help, they can be tricky. Majority of the times, your instincts will not lie to you, but there are times when your instincts can be influenced by your fears and insecurities. For example, you may already have fears of being cheated on, therefore you may feel that your partner is lying to you and cheating on you, when in fact he or she may be telling you the truth and completely faithful to you. This is why it is essential to understand the behavior of a liar, so that you can define the difference between really catching on to a liar, or just being paranoid that your partner is lying to.
Watch the Body Language
One important thing to remember is that the body never lies. If there are changes in the way your partner moves (or does not movie) his/her arms, hands, head and the way his/her eyes shift, then you are most likely being lied to. The reason the body language changes when a person is lying is because the person now has to think of a way to seem convincing that he/she is telling the truth. Since he/she knows that whatever they are telling you is a lie, the behavior automatically changes because they are now trying to act truthful, instead of actually being truthful. One big sign to look out for is in the eyes. If your partner avoids eye contact with you, then he/she is lying to you. There is a fear that you will see through him or her if there is eye contact, so eye contact will be avoided. Whether you realize it or not, your body also communicates when you talk. When you are enthusiastic about telling your partner something and are telling the truth, you will move your hands around and will look into his/her eyes to make a connection. If your partner is lying however, he or she will tense up, will most likely tone down on the hand movement and eye connection and will seem different than other times. If your partner is the type to still move his/her hands around even when he/she is lying, then pay attention to the timing of the movements. Timing is everything and can define the difference between the truth and a lie. When a person is telling the truth for example, his/her hands (and whatever body movement he/she does) will move at the same time when telling you something. When he/she is lying however, the body language will be off and will usually come shortly after he/she has told you the lie. This is because they have to think about acting natural, and this thinking causes them to be off key.
Last but not Least: Clearing of the throat, touching him or herself often and saying “Umm”
Another sign of a lying partner is if he/she touch his/her nose or face a lot while talking to you. They will feel nervous about telling you lies and will want to occupy their hands somehow as a way to cover up their lie, such as touching the nose, rubbing their eyes and so on. Your partner may even clear his or her throat more than usual when talking to you, look away a lot and/or say �umm� a lot when lying to you. They are using these as time killers so they can think of how to tell you the lie in the most convincing way possible. These are just some of the signs of a lying partner and are the most common signs. Remember, it is always important to trust your instincts first. If you feel that your partner is lying to you, start paying closer attention to his/her behavior and if there are any changes, then you will be able to catch on to the lies better and can further investigate from that point. Receive Love Advice and Professional Help.
No matter how happy a married couple looks like, their marriage is not without occasional conflicts. Having conflicts in marriage life is normal.
It is brought about by the natural differences of the couple. However, if the gravity and frequency of conflicts inside a marriage keeps on elevating to new heights, the risk of destroying the marriage is always there.
Keeping a healthy marriage is the key towards avoiding marital conflicts. Listed below are some advices which apply to different situations related to conflict resolutions inside marriage.
- Mind the person, not the differences
Most often than not, serious marriage conflicts are related to smaller things that add up and eventually burst. Marriage entails that the spouses love each other for who they are and small annoying things should be taken for granted. Understanding each other especially with little things will help strengthen the relationship and give a general sense of belongingness to both the spouses.
- Do not compare
It is never a good idea to compare your spouse with the spouse of others, even if it is intended for fun. The grass ain’t greener on the other side of the fence. There’s good and bad in all people, but the problem is that people tend to see the bad traits in their own spouses. Marriage means belongingness and spouses should make their partners feel that they belong together.
- Stay in love
Entering in marriage does not mean the end of fun. Couples tend to be more serious when they enter in marriage, thus, leaving out all the passion and the fun. Keeping the feeling of being in love is the main foundation of a successful marriage. However happy a couple is inside a marriage, there will come a time when they will face conflicts. But being in conflict with each other is not the end of it all.
- Control instincts
People tend to resort to anger, hatred and disrespect when confronting their partners. Remember that conflict resolution does not necessarily have to entail violence and hurt. Just talking with an open heart and an unclouded mind will really help resolve the conflict.
- Reaffirm one another
Couples should reaffirm their willingness to resolve the conflict by saying in their own words what the other one is saying and act according to the resolutions which were made.
Differences do not necessarily have to end in conflicts and conflicts do not necessarily have to end in a cold and heartless marriage. If you find love in marriage then everything will fall in place.
